Why did he do it? Could it have been prevented? Should the warning signs be noticeable? Is anyone to blame?
Losing a loved one is undoubtedly one of the most difficult experienced people go through, but when a person commits suicide, there is an added element of guilt left behind.
Suicide may seem like an easy way out of a tough situation or an unhappy life,but suicide is never easy on the survivors of suicide. Family and friends of those who take their own lives are left with a list of unanswered questions:
- Why did he do it?
- Were things so bad?
- Was it painful?
- Did he guarantee himself an eternity in Hell?
- Can he be forgiven for taking his own life?
- Did he consider the family he was leaving behind?
- What was the deciding factor in taking his life?
- Did he try to tell someone he was thinking about suicide??
- Would professional advice have helped?
- Was it someone’s fault?
- Could someone have prevented the suicide?
- How can survivors of suicide move on?
- How can survivors get past the way he ended his life and remember him for the good times?
Guilt
The guilt you feel after losing a loved one to suicide can be consuming and overwhelming. Though feeling guilty is a normal for suicide survivors, it is not accurate or fair to assume any responsibility for their actions. It is important to remember that you are only responsible for your actions and how your respond to the actions of those around you. A person who is desperate enough to commit suicide is most likely trying to flee from unending pain and it has no reflection on the people in his life.
Grief Counseling
The emotions you feel as a survivor of suicide can be overbearing. Sorting through your emotions on your own can be a difficult experience as you move from anger and shame to guilt and regret. Grief counseling is one option that may help you get through the difficult time and sort out your feelings in attempt to heal from the tragedy without accepting the blame for it.
Grief Support Groups
Another option for suicide survivors is to seek out a grief support group. You’ll be amazed by how opening up about the tragedy in the company of supportive strangers who know what you are going through can help. Sometimes it feels good to talk about your loss, fears, guilt, grief and sorrow. It’s also okay to just listen until you are ready to share your own story.
Steps Towards Healing
Healing from the loss of a loved one doesn’t happen overnight, but there are some steps you can take to make peace with your loved one and their decision to commit suicide.
- Forgiveness. This may be difficult at fist when you are blaming him for leaving you the way he did, but it is an important step in the healing process. Try to understand where he was coming from and why his life might have seemed overwhelming.
- Closure. Finding closure is another way to begin healing after a suicide. Come to terms with what happened. Write a heartfelt letter to your loved one.
- Remember and Honoring. It is important to remember your loved one for the good he did, for the times you shared and for the kind of person he was. Displaying pictures, holding memorials, telling future family members about him, etc are all ways to remember and honor your loved one’s life.
