Why did he do it? Could it have been prevented? Should the warning signs be noticeable? Is anyone to blame?
Losing a loved one is undoubtedly one of the most difficult experienced people go through, but when a person commits suicide, there is an added element of guilt left behind.
Suicide may seem like an easy way out of a tough situation or an unhappy life,but suicide is never easy on the survivors of suicide. Family and friends of those who take their own lives are left with a list of unanswered questions:
Why did he do it?
Were things so bad?
Was it painful?
Did he guarantee himself an eternity in Hell?
Can he be forgiven for taking his own life?
Did he consider the family he was leaving behind?
What was the deciding factor in taking his life?
Did he try to tell someone he was thinking about suicide??
Would professional advice have helped?
Was it someone’s fault?
Could someone have prevented the suicide?
How can survivors of suicide move on?
How can survivors get past the way he ended his life and remember him for the good times?
Guilt
The guilt you feel after losing a loved one to suicide can be consuming and overwhelming. Though feeling guilty is a normal for suicide survivors, it is not accurate or fair to assume any responsibility for their actions. It is important to remember that you are only responsible for your actions and how your respond to the actions of those around you. A person who is desperate enough to commit suicide is most likely trying to flee from unending pain and it has no reflection on the people in his life.
Grief Counseling
The emotions you feel as a survivor of suicide can be overbearing. Sorting through your emotions on your own can be a difficult experience as you move from anger and shame to guilt and regret. Grief counseling is one option that may help you get through the difficult time and sort out your feelings in attempt to heal from the tragedy without accepting the blame for it.
Grief Support Groups
Another option for suicide survivors is to seek out a grief support group. You’ll be amazed by how opening up about the tragedy in the company of supportive strangers who know what you are going through can help. Sometimes it feels good to talk about your loss, fears, guilt, grief and sorrow. It’s also okay to just listen until you are ready to share your own story.
Steps Towards Healing
Healing from the loss of a loved one doesn’t happen overnight, but there are some steps you can take to make peace with your loved one and their decision to commit suicide.
Forgiveness. This may be difficult at fist when you are blaming him for leaving you the way he did, but it is an important step in the healing process. Try to understand where he was coming from and why his life might have seemed overwhelming.
Closure. Finding closure is another way to begin healing after a suicide. Come to terms with what happened. Write a heartfelt letter to your loved one.
Remember and Honoring. It is important to remember your loved one for the good he did, for the times you shared and for the kind of person he was. Displaying pictures, holding memorials, telling future family members about him, etc are all ways to remember and honor your loved one’s life.
The copyright of the article The Grief of Losing a Loved One in Suicide is owned by Tracy Rose. Permission to republish The Grief of Losing a Loved One in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
my husband shot and killed himself today. i don't know how to feel. my 12
year old son found him. i can't believe he did this. i know he wouldn't
have wanted my son to find him. he was his stepdad buy my son said he was
more of a dad than his biological daddy. i love him so much and i know he
loved me and my son. he called him our son. i don't know what to do, i
don't know how to feel. i can't believe he is not here anymore.
Nov 19, 2008 6:59 PM
Guest :
To the Guest that left a message Oct 21/08 at 7:03pm. I really feel your
despair. My husband killed himself on Nov. 4/08 by overdosing on
medication and by the exhaust from his car tail pipe. I felt like I was
the only one going through this until I read your message. I feel the same
as you. I can't believe he is not here anymore. I can't believe that the
man I knew and loved deeply who was terminally ill took this way out. I am
so sad for my 13 year old son and I and can't see the light at the end of
the tunnel. I pray for peace for you and I and our sons. Surround
yourself with family and friends and seek help, that is what I am doing and
will continue to do until I see the light. I will pray for you in our
prayers that you and your son along with us will get through this. God
Bless!
Dec 12, 2008 8:47 AM
Guest :
my boyfriend hung himself Xmas night when I was pregnant with my son, I
carry so much anger with me it's untrue. I push people away from me all the
time, his mother blamed me because we had argued before. I will never
forgive her. I feel sorry for my son.
Dec 19, 2008 10:32 PM
Guest :
hi..i too am going through the same thing...i've lost my boyfriend...the
love of my life to this almost 7 months ago and i still wake up everyday
like it just happened...this has destroyed me and i cannot move forward...i
would love and need to talk to anyone who can relate...please?!
Dec 29, 2008 11:58 AM
Guest :
My Dad hung himself about two weeks before Christmas. Everyone told him
that he needed serious help, some people tried hard to get him help. I had
told him that he should get on prozac or something. He was very depressed
and at times incredibly difficult to deal with. I now wish that I had tied
him up and driven him to a mental hospital. A lot of his problems started
when those damn gambling boats moved in. Gambling took over his life and
seemed to control his emotions. He went gambling one last time and lost
what little money he had left, came home and hung himself. He was a great
man for so many years until he got addicted to gambling and became
depressed. I am sad that he will not be here to see my son grow up, my son
loved his grandpa dearly. My only advice to people out there is that if
you are dealing with a depressed person, do whatever it takes to get them
help. Overall, there is a lot of guilt and shame in my family right now.
I will be thinking for the rest of my life, what if, what if I had only
done something more to help him, he might still be with us.
Jan 3, 2009 8:28 AM
Guest :
My Girlfrind killed herself two weeks before Christmas. Her husband and
kids, and the rest of us are in shock. Why did we not see this comeing. I
dont like the feelings its leaving us with.
Jan 26, 2009 7:37 PM
Guest :
My former husband, the father of my children died on Friday. It is
suspected that it was suicide. It will be a while before we know for sure.
He had attempted to do this several times over the years but not
successful until this past week. Part of me was angry that it was my
children who found him and called 911 with my direction, and another part
of me feels like I missed the clues this time, of all the times I have
saved him in the past, I could not stop him this time and am feeling some
painful guilt over this. I pray mostly for my children, that they will be
able to get through this very difficult time in their lives. The memorial
service is tommorrow....thank you for reading...
Jan 26, 2009 9:44 PM
Guest :
One of my closes friends shot and killed himself Halloween night it was the
worst thing I had to handle in my whole life. No one could understand why
he did it, he was star of our football team, rugby team, and hockey team.
One of the worst parts is he called me 5 minutes before to say goodbye but
I didn't do anything to stop him cause I didn't understand what he was
talking about
Feb 13, 2009 5:48 AM
Guest :
my dad killed himself 2 days ago, he shot himself in the head,he has always
been depressed and he was recently sick,but nobody could have ever seen
this coming. i cant believe he did it, i have alot of guilt,because he
wasnt an easy man to live with or be around,but i feel like i should have
loved him more or tried harder, i just hope he is finally at peace,because
i dont think he ever was here on earth
Feb 16, 2009 6:21 AM
Guest :
My son took his life on Feb 6th. I saw him 2 days before while taking his
to his appointment with new psychiatrist that he loved. He was doing so
well. We can not account for the last day.. just know that he didn't pick
up his phone all day. I was told he was at work, so didn't worry about
him. Feel terrible for not seeing this. Wish his girlfriend had called
later in evening to say that he didn't pick up the phone all day. No idea
and not sure how to deal with the pain.
Feb 17, 2009 5:46 PM
Guest :
My boyfriend had commited suicide on 11/4/03. I never thought he would do
something like that or that I would ever have someone close to me do that.
It was the hardest thing I've ever been through, and it still hurts even
though its going on six years. I come from a some what of a small town and
I could never find anyone that could relate to what had happened to me. On
that day, he sent me two text messages that was his suicide note, and not
to anyone else. I was on my way home from school when I was read them. At
first I couldn't believe what was happening. It didn't sound like him at
all or to even realize that it was a suicide note. I drove to his house
with a friend, saw his car in drive way. We went inside, and you could
immediately smell gun powder. I went up to his bedroom, where the door was
locked. It did take a few minutes to realize what the smell was, and then I
really freaked out. We called 911, and it seemed like every cop in town was
there. They did get the door open. I can remember a cop coming down stairs,
and me asking if they got the door open. He just gave me a look, and I
realized he was actually dead. I don't think I'll ever forget that day, or
the events that happended before and after his death. Basically a girl that
was very jealous of our relationship falsely accused him a raping her. He
was already on probabtion for receiving stolen property, and was stressed
out at work because he was doing 60 hours a week at his job. I think he
thought he was immediatley going to jail. The day he did it, was when he
was suppose to meet his probabtion officer. It just sucks because he was
doing really good and almost done with it. The district attorney was going
to press charges against the girl, but said there wasn't enough evidence.
I'm assuming he didn't because my boyfriend did not specifically name her
as the reason why, in his suicide note. Even though I'm in a relationship
now, I still think about him all the time. I hated when people would tell
me that time does heal, but it does very slowy. Its not something that I'll
ever get over, and some days are harder then others, but at least I'm
trying to move on instead of felling sorry for myself.
Feb 19, 2009 9:12 AM
Guest :
My best friend shot and killed himself last October;we had been together at
first as boyfriend and girlfriend, and then when that aspect ended as best
friends for 17 years. He was always there for me, and I can't help but feel
that I let him down. He had struggled with depression the entire time I
knew him but this time he couldn't see his way out of it. The pain and
emptiness has sat in my chest for the last four months and I feel that it
will be with me for a long, long time. I struggle to do my job, and feel
alienated from family members who just think I should move on. I am seeing
a grief counselor and it is helping, but each day is an enormous
challenge.
Feb 19, 2009 11:52 AM
Guest :
My daddy (I'm 31) shot and killed himself at the age of 53 exactly one
month ago today. He struggled with addictions of all kinds his whole life
but worked hard, raised my sister and I right, was a loving,caring,
faithful, dedicated man with a terrible disease called addiction. We are
all so lost. My poor husband found him after we got a call that he had not
shown up for work. It's such a terrible thing. We are not to blame but
there will always be things we wished we had said or done. My only hope is
Jesus. I'm so scared of everything now. I have 3 beautiful boys that
adored their grandpa. They only know that his heart stopped and he went to
heaven. I'll have to tell them at some point. I just can't do it now.
It's terrible. We all feel so helpless, so alone, yet together. Our
family is strong and very united. We will get thru this we just haven't
figured out how yet. I can related to what each person has said here in
some way. God Bless you all. Remember, God is with you.
Feb 20, 2009 7:00 PM
Guest :
my father went missing about three weeks ago. we think he took his own
life, but we can't find his body. he was very sick and extrememly
depressed. i had a difficult reltationship with him. he didn't treat my
mom well, and was an alcoholic. i had shut him out of my life, only
visiting to keep the peace. i feel it is all my fault.
Feb 26, 2009 8:33 PM
Guest :
Mom drank a bottle of vodka(alcholic),tied a noose and hung herself in the
garden shed a few years ago,I've been told it gets better with time,but it
has not! My life,emotions,etc, have only gone downhill,i am in a world of
pain.I exist but do not live. I find my own thoughts straying down that
dark path but cannot find adequate help,the stygma of being "that guy
whos mom killed herself",and my own guilt are ruining my life,
Forgiveness? I cant forgive...Closure? How? I'll never forget, but I refuse
to honor Mom for abandoning all of us in the most selfish manner possible.
this is not the anger stage,i have been through no stages only
savage,constant grief. And by the way,ppl that have not been thru such
events dont get it,and need to keep their comments and useless advice to
themselves.Is there real help? does it ever end? Or am I to suffer with
this until the despair overcomes me? I live in alberta canada, i'm
43,male.
Mar 2, 2009 3:18 AM
Guest :
Yesterday morning, my mom and dad found my 23 yr old brother dead in his
bed. They called 911 and me. my car wouldn't go fast enough. I always
worried he'd do something to my parents. I honestly can't believe he'd hurt
himself. I've fought with my parents for years to get him help. My husband
constantly reminded me that he needed help. When we did get him to a
doctor, he confided to him that he hated my parents, especially my dad.
The doctor prescribed antidepressants. He never took them. The doctor
suggested measures to be taken that were never done. My parents excuses
were that he was a good kid, who might be lazy, who wasn't out committing
crimes or doing drugs, that he wasn't hurting anyone hiding in his room,
that they couldn't afford to get him help. I fought with my mom about it
constantly. My dad never had much to do with us, he was always working, and
tending to the farm. Only when we were 'bad' and needed disciplined. When I
was old enough I got out and away from my mothers verbal abuse, with no
intent to go back. I couldn't take my brother with me. He'd hide in his
room, and lock everyone out. As a child my brother was peculiar. He
wouldn't answer the phone or talk to his friends when they'd call. He was
quiet in school, so much that his classmates would tease him and have
'contests' to get him to talk. After he graduated, he became more reclusive
and stayed in his room playing computer games. He never left the house
except the few times he went to the doctor. He was always on the internet
downloading games to play. He stopped talking to us. he would communicate
with my mom by writing her notes mostly of things he wanted her to buy him.
He wouldn't leave his room for anything if dad was around, not even to go
to the bathroom. Whenever my mom or I saw him, he'd wrap a blanket around
his body and over his head so we couldn't 'see' him. I am so filled
with guilt, sorrow,and anger at myself and my parents.I helped my parents
with the funeral arrangements, being strong for them. There was no
note, and the autopsy only showed pulmonary edema, fluid in the lungs.(drug
abuse?) He passed away with the tv and computer on. I pray that he found
God and became saved. The coroner is sending away his blood, urine, and
tissue samples, to search for answers. The notion of suicide will haunt me
the rest of my life. May God forgive us for not doing enough. He'd been
dead four days before mom found him. God have mercy on our souls.
Mar 27, 2009 10:44 AM
Guest :
My fiance killed himself in September. I too, am a total mess -- screaming
inside and atrophying outside. I have been unable to earn a living, am in
financial disaster, feel no sense of hope, and miss him more than I feel
able to bear. I am about to lose the little I have left and can't even
muster enough energy to care. I am fortunate to have a keen mind, a
beautiful face and body, and good friends. Yet, nothing has been able to
move me from my despair. I don't know how to survive this. My heart goes
out to all of you who are going through something similar. Thank you for
sharing your stories and your pain.
Apr 6, 2009 1:17 PM
Guest :
My older Brother shot himself in the head March 13th, 2009. He was going
through a lot of depression for years. I was very close to him, I loved him
more than anything, and I valued his life over my own. The last time I
talked to him I made him promise me that he understood all of that, and I
know he did. As hard to believe as it is that is not enough. I understand
that the guilt is not mine to carry, but that is easier said than done. I
know anyone who has experienced this goes through the if, would, could,
should. I pray that time will heal me.
May 6, 2009 3:18 AM
Guest :
MY DAD HUNG HIMSELF APRIL 23RD FOR THE PAST YEAR HE BELIEVED SOMETHING WAS
WRONG WITH HIM BUT HE WAS ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT MONEY AND BEING A HARD
WORKING MAN IN CONSTRUCTION HE WAS 58 AND WOULD GET WORRIED WHEN WORK WAS
SLOW HE DRANK FOR A LONG TIME BUT CAN ALWAYS GET UP AND GO TO WORK HARD
WORKING MAN BUT THEN COMPANY WENT UNDER HE FELL INTO THIS DEPRESSION AND
WORRY HE WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND THEY PRESCIBED HIM ANXIETY MEDICATION WHICH
MADE HIM FEEL JITTERY I TOLD HIM GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR AND TELL THEM THAT
THE MED ARENT WORKING AND THAT CONTINUED HE DID STOP DRINKING AND TOOK HIS
MEDICATION BUT ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT THEM NOT WORKING WHERE THE MONEY IS
COMFROM HE WAS GETTING UNEMPLOYMENT AND WORKING ON GETTING EARLY RETIRMENT
......I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I STOPPED CARING AND HE WAS GETTING WORSE
WANTING ATTENTION AND I DIDNT GIVE HIM THAT LITTLE GESTURE THAT MAY OF MADE
A DIFFERENCE WHEN I SAW HE WAS STRUGGLING I SHOULD OF TALK TO HIM WHEN HE
STOOD THERE SO SAD I SHOULD OF LOOKED HIS WAY INSTEAD OF LEAVING THE
KITCHEN I SHOULD OF MADE HIM SOMETHING TO EAT WHEN HE ASKED ME IF I WAS
GOING TO MAKE SOMETHING TO EAT I SAID NO AND LEFT I SHOULD HAVE SAT DOWN
WITH HIM WHEN HE ASKED ME TO SIT AND TALK TO HIM WHEN HE SAID IT WAS HOT I
SHOULD WALKED OVER THERE AND SAID YEAH DAD HOW ARE YOU FEELING ARE YOU
HUNGRY DONT WORRY THOSE THINGS YOUR WORRING ABOUT WILL WORK THEMSELVES OUT
I MADE HIM FEEL LIKE A BURDEN AND I STOPPED CHECKING UP ON HIM THAT WAS
MONDAY WHEN HE TOLD ME WHEN HE TRIED TO TELL ME IT WAS HOT AND TUESDAY WE
WERE SUPPOSE TO GO RETURN A CAR TO THE DEALER AND IF HE DIDNT COME AND TELL
ME I WASNT GOING TOO AND THEN I DONT REMEMBER HEARING HIM I WAS ALWAYS
WORRIED THAT HE WAS GONA GET A HEARTATTACK FOR ALL HIS WORRY SO ID WAIT FOR
A NOISE A LIGHT GO ON UPSTAIRS AND I WAS RELEIVED BUT THIS TIME I DIDNT AND
I HAD A FEELING I LEFT FOR WORK THINKING ABOUT TEXTING MY SISTER AND
BROTHER TO CALL MY DAD AND ASK HIM ANYTHING JUST TO CHECK I TOLD THEM I
WENT UPSTAIRS AND THE DOOR WAS CLOSED BUT I DIDNT REALLY GO I HAD FEELING
SOMETHING WAS WRONG AND I WANTED SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP HIM AND MY MOM WENT
UPSTAIRS WHO LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE AND HAVE NOT TALKED IN OVER TEN YEARS
WENT UPSTAIRS AND FOUND HIM I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT FEELING IVE
BEEN IN THAT DARK PLACE I PRAYED AND PRAYED ID TELL HIM TO PRAY AND THAT I
PRAY FOR HIM BUT IVE BEEN THERE AND I HAD MY MOM TO HELP ME THROUGH IT TO
THIS DAY AND HE HAD NO ONE I MADE HIM FEEL LIKE A BURDEN
May 12, 2009 5:05 PM
Guest :
Today my cousin killed himself. I wasn't speaking to him because while he
was living with me and my family a few months ago, he was drinking and
acting strangely. He called many times to appologize, but I just didn't
want to deal with him. I never thought he would kill himself. I always
thought "Time heals all wounds" and someday it would all be water
under the bridge. I don't think I will ever forgive myself. His wife and
child have got to hate me and I don't blame them. I hate myself for not
forgiving him. If I could just turn back time....
May 16, 2009 4:02 PM
Guest :
My boyfriend and love of my life of 9 yrs hung himself about 3 months ago.
He struggled in a coma for 1 day before he left this world. I cant get the
image out of my mind... in the hospital, in the coffin. I hate him for
doing something so selfish. How can anyone do this? I'm so angry! I keep
running away from grieving! I just want it to be over... the sadness that
is. I didnt know so many ppl went through the same thing. Im scared that
was my one chance at true love, and now its gone. I'm just so mad! I always
wanted to fix him... but in the end, I couldnt. Sometimes I still feel like
I could have if this and if that, but its too late. I want to go to grief
counseling... does it really help?
Jun 16, 2009 12:37 PM
Guest :
For whoever receives this, I pray that you will be able to live again. No
one can ever feel what you feel or experience the depths of your pain and
anger that overwhelms you. You have a right to be angry and to hurt because
the person meant so much to you. I pray that you will be able to have joy
and that you will bear no more guilt. I pray that you will carry no more
burdens and that you will be able to help the next person who crosses your
path. I pray that you will forgive yourself and that you won't sentence
yourself to eternal prison. I pray for your freedom right now. I pray that
the person did not die in vain, but that you can let others know that they
can make it through whatever they experience in life. If you need
counseling, please find a counselor because it can help. Join a support
group (I say this as a counselor and as one who lost a cousin to suicide.
My cousin's sister has been in counseling for a while and it helps her
tremendously.) And above all, trust God in the midst of this. I won't
pretend to know the answers, but I do know that this life can be difficult
and is unfair...and we have to make our own decisions. I pray your your
life and that you will live again, in Jesus' name, Amen.
Jul 14, 2009 8:19 AM
Guest :
It is one year one month, 13 days since my husband hung himself at our
home. I keep hoping it will get easier but it feels like I an reliving it,
There are times that I feel like I have accepted what he has done there are
times that i am so angry, not only of what he did at our home, were I can
never go again but how he ocastrated his suicide. My husband drank heavely,
was always threatening to kill himself, and bring his friends with him, He
seamed at a point of no return when his best friend got married, he became
angry at me and forced me out of the house, I was able to have him
hospitalized twice after I left, begged the hospital to keep him the second
time got him to a rehab, One week Later the rehab asked him to leave I
burried him I miss himn son much and I want to lecture him for what he did
, it does not get easier
Jul 26, 2009 10:05 PM
Guest :
my ex-husband shot himself on our anniversary day. we were married 20 years
and we have been divorced for 7 years. i'm feeling so excrutiatingly guilty
and devastated and frightened. he has the most beautiful daughter and new
grandson..how must they feel???
Sep 10, 2009 2:35 PM
Guest :
I HAD LOST TWO SISTERS TO SUICIDE...ONE WAS 13, WE BURIED HER A DAY BEFORE
HER 14th BIRTHDAY IN MARCH OF 1997!! THE OTHER WAS 23, SHE LEFT BEHIND
THREE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN, IN JAN OF 2001!!! MY YOUNGER SISTER WHO WAS A
TEEN GAVE NO SIGNS OF ANYTHING, HADN'T EVEN MENTIONED KILLING HERSELF.ONE
NIGHT SHE CALLED ME SAID SHE NEEDED TO TALK, WOULDN'T TELL ME WHERE SHE
WAS, WAS SUPPOSED TO COME DOWN TO MY PLACE AND DIDNT MAKE IT, INSTEAD SHE
WENT HOME, WENT TO BED(SO WE THOUGHT), AND WHEN MY MOM AND STEP DAD WOKE UP
THE NEXT MORNING, SHE WAS HANGING ON HER BUNK BED. SHE HAD TIED A BAG STRAP
TO THE POST AND SAT HERSELF DOWN. MY OTHER SISTER, WELL, WE WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE GETTING READY FOR ONE OF OUR NEICES BIRTHDAYS, MY SISTER WAS SUPPOSED
TO BAKE CUPCAKES FOR THE PARTY, I DIDN'T KNOW SHE HAD WENT OUT PARTYING THE
NIGHT BEFORE, AND LEFT THE KIDS WITH OUR BABY SISTER SAM. SAM WENT TO GO
HELP OUR BROTHERS GIRLFRIEND OUT AT HER HOUSE, TOOK ALL THREE KIDS WITH
HER, AND THEN WENT BACK HOME TO GET THEM READY, WENT INTO THE BEDROOM TO
GET THEM NICE CLOTHES TO WEAR TO THE PARTY, NEVER NOTICED A THING UNTIL ONE
OF MY NEICES TUGGED ON HER SHIRT AND POINTED INTO THE CLOSET!!! WHEN MY
BABY SISTER LOOKED UP SHE SAW OUR SISTER IN A SITTING POSITION IN THE
CLOSET, SHE HAD TIED A BAG STRAP AROUND THE CLOSET HANGER AND SAT HERSELF
DOWN. MY NEICES AND MY NEPHEW SAW HER(HER KIDS). NOW THEY ARE OLDER AND ASK
ME QUESTIONS ALL THE TIME ABOUT THEIR MOM. IT WAS REALLY HARD AT FIRST
LOSING BOTH OF THEM, BUT NOW I FIND IT A LITTLE EASIER, WE CAN TALK ABOUT
THEM WITHOUT CRYING, WE REMINISE ALL THE TIME ABOUT THE GOOD TIMES AND WHAT
COULD HAVE BEEN. PEOPLE SAY TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS, WELL.....IT'S BEEN WELL
OVER 10 YEARS FOR MY YOUNGER SISTER AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU, IT DOES GET
EASIER....BUT WE STILL MISS THEM LIKE CRAZY...AND EVERYTHING STILL FEELS
LIKE YESTERDAY!!! I THINK EVERYONE WILL HAVE THEIR OWN OPINIONS AND WAYS OF
DEALING WITH IT, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF HOW YOU DEAL WITH IT!!!
Sep 16, 2009 7:08 AM
Guest :
My dad died on 27 July 2009 from old age & long time illness. Less than
a month later on 22 August 2009 my brother cut both his wrists & hung
himself. He left behind 2 sons. We never saw this coming. There were no
real signs. I can accept my dad's death but my brother's death I can't. I
guess the fact that he chose to leave us is what makes this almost
impossible to accept. He left no note - I wish he did. It might sound
callous but I wish they would advise people who consider suicide to at
least leave a note. The many questions one is left with - only assupmtions
& never real answers is very hard. I don't wan't to stop living my life
just because he chose to stop living. Before my dads death I have never
lost anyone close to me before and now,,,loosing My dad & brother in
one month has been such a shock to my system (as it is for everyone in the
family). I just can't believe he is no longer here, it is such a shock.
Sep 26, 2009 4:07 PM
Guest :
My dad shot him self in the head 15 years ago, as a veteran you would think
i had some words of wisdom to offer so i will try, it does get easier
sometimes, life does feel normal sometimes, but know that the pain will
creep up when you least expect it, a song, a season, a persons car, or the
smell of a stranger, a movie, a t.v. show an insensitive person who blurts
out jokes about suicide, you will either drown in the despair or you will
change the cycle inside yourself and your family good luck to you all
Oct 2, 2009 4:07 PM
Guest :
My nephew hung himself Oct 15,2007. I still cant go a day without thinking
of him. He did not leave a note,just an envelope with my name on it saying
cash and gold for Siobain(Shivaughn). He was in Va with my brother(his Da).
I am in NY. I told my brother that night that he better keep an eye on him
because he was suicidal. He recently broke up with his girlfriend,got 2
DWI's (one in NY that I got him out of and then in VA)within a month time
span. After spending the weekend in jail he went home and had a great steak
dinner with his dad. Told his dad it was really good, told him he loved him
and then went and took a shower. He cleaned his room and made his bed. My
brother thought in the morning that Connor left for work early but his
truck was outside.When I went into work the next morning I said my nephew
probably committed suicide little did I know I was correct) right. I found
out 2 hours later. I get a call from my brother that Connor hung himself.I
will never forget that feeling ever. I know he was stuck in a moment that
he could not get out of. I pray there is a heaven and we shall meet again.
And then I am going to kick his ass! Thanks for letting me vent!
Connor I love U no matter what!!!
Oct 10, 2009 4:00 AM
Guest :
It's been just over a week since I lost my fiance, and love of my life. He
had threatened it time and time again, I can't say how many times I had to
stop it...he really needed counseling, and he knew it. Hours before he
took his life, he was talking about how he was going to be calling to get
help. When he was in good space, it was great.. but when it was bad, it
was really bad. We'd been together for 7 years, we have 3 beautiful
children..all under 5 years old. My oldest keeps asking when Dad will be
home..and the other 2 just won't ever know me. It saddens me immensely..and
I can't help but wonder if I might have said or done something
different..if he'd still be here. Obviously I'm in the stage of guilt..and
I've also been mad at him for doing this to me, my children..I just am
feeling so lost..and I also have people around me blaming me for what's
happened..as if it isn't hard enough. I assume as time goes on things may
get easier...but its still too early...and I'm still in disbelief that this
has even happened. Sigh.
Nov 9, 2009 10:05 AM
Guest :
I did not see it coming. My boyfriend had been divorced for almost a year
and a half. There had been many back and forth issues with his ex wife he
just always said he could not get away from it. I moved to give us some
breathing space and things seemed to be better. Then he called one night
after visiting his boys and told me he loved me and hoped I would never
think he ruined my life. I kept asking what was wrong he did not answer.
He then called his exwife and commited suicide. The pain is bad enough but
then to add insult to injury everyone has an opinion about what/why etc...
Know one is taking into account what had been going on and how game playing
is not healthy for anyone. While I do not blame anyone as all had choices
to make I do miss him terribly and am just trying to make it through the
day.
